Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart
by swagUPwindowsDOWN
Summary: "I-I-I like Christmas. I l-like Santa...I-I-I-" He paused "...B-but...b-but Santa doesn't like me." Logan hasn't had a real Christmas in years. Not since his parents left without any warning. He only ever wants one thing for Christmas but Santa never gets it for him and he thinks it has to be his fault. 3 boys set out to change his mind and try to give Logan his one Christmas wish.
1. Prologue

**Hey! Wow it's been a long time since I posted anything on here. Sorry for that, but everything has been so crazy and hectic. I've had some really down and awful moments since February, which was when I last updated, but now I'm back on track and I'm gonna try and post again!**

**This is a little Christmas story that I've come up with. It probably won't be too long, but I hoping it'll be really cute yet angsty for you all :) Who doesn't love a bit of Logan angst?**

**I hope you like it! And remember, I don't own Big Time Rush**

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"Thank you Annabel for that lovely speech about Santa's reindeer"

The middle-aged teacher clapped the small, blonde haired girl with ringlets as she skipped to the back of the class, extremely happy with what she had just shared with the rest of her class and the older children.

The other teacher in the room looked around the sea of students, trying to decide who should be next in the line of speakers. A few weeks ago, Miss. Williams, the latter, much younger teacher, approached the elder woman in the room with a request. She had thought that her second grade class were extremely loud and hard to handle. So, she came up with a way for them to channel that energy into something positive. Well she hoped. They all had a few lessons where they wrote something about Christmas. It wasn't hard for a group of seven and eight year olds to talk about Christmas, especially since the very first snow fall usually brought cries of "it's snowing so it's nearly Christmas!" even when it had started to snow mid October. This was Minnesota after all.

Anyway, the teacher had then gone round the staffroom, asking if her students could perform their speeches, poems, plays or whatever it may be, to their class. No one had wanted to take on all the extra stress, apart from Mrs. Turner who had a 6th grade class. She welcomed the idea, telling how her pupils may have needed a break since she too often had to slam a book down on her desk, just to wake about half of them up. The younger teacher was delighted that her students may actually be able to put their loud mouths to good use.

So that's where they were now. Already, most of the second graders had been up to the front, taking their turn in describing what Christmas was all about for them and what they most enjoyed. Of course, the majority had talked about presents and snow and then more presents. The teachers sighed at what today's youth were becoming.

The last boy to step up to the plate was a contrast against his previous classmates. Instead of confident, loud and pushy, he was rather small, not only in stature but his whole aura screamed scared to death. He was a timid little thing, shy and extremely quiet. When Miss. Williams had suggested this project, she hadn't thought about her quietest and most introverted student. Looking at how his lip quivered and his brown orbs were glistening slightly, she thought that maybe she should have pardoned him from having to do this. But then she thought about the fairness towards the rest of the class and realised he would have to do it otherwise she would have a million complaints shouted at her by some very bossy 7 year olds.

3 sixth graders near the back of the classroom whispered to each other during many of the presentations. However, as soon as this boy stepped up, their attention was fully on him. It wasn't just the fact that he looked like he may wet himself there and then, but also his appearance. It wasn't that he was dirty or anything, but he didn't have the best clothes. On his skinny little body, he wore an oversized, scruffy jumper with jeans that dragged along the floor; no doubt they were too long. He didn't look like a normal, fresh-faced second grader who smelt like juice. He looked...different.

Kendall was curious. He was always curious though. That and strong tempered, but hopefully nothing would provoke him to get into any fights today. That side of him only came out when someone hurt or threatened his friends or family. They were the only things he had and he vowed to protect them with everything he had. He would definitely do anything for them. Kendall was the leader. He gave advice, made up the plans and ultimately made sure that everyone was ok. His pep talks were both upbringing and confidence-filling. They could encourage even the most nervous of souls. The boy standing at the front couldn't have been more nervous if he tried. It was as if he had been stuck on a stage in front of the whole world, not just a small classroom. And that's why Kendall was curious, well one of the reasons anyway. He wanted to know more about the kid and why he was like this. Knowing him, he would soon find out.

James, you would have thought, would have thought about how badly dressed this boy was and how he should improve his appearance. He was obsessed himself with his own image and always carried a lucky comb with him wherever he went. However, the first thought that came into his head was the condition of the boy and how anyone let him get like that. He was bar far too skinny for his own good and his skin looked washed out. He wasn't healthy at all, anyone could tell that. James noticed the small things in everyone. Like how the boy's eyes drooped every so often as if he didn't get enough sleep or how he had smudges up his arms as if he hadn't had a good wash in a while. James was observant, and he wanted to know what had happened to this boy.

Carlos was the happy-go-lucky one. He almost always had a wide grin plastered to his face that lit up any room. He was a ray of sunshine that could never hold a grudge for more than ten minutes. He was simply...Carlos. He did crazy stunts because that's what he did and it wasn't for attention either. He did them because he thought the thrill was exhilarating and he also loved to make people laugh. His speciality was cheering people up. He built them up when they had been worn down. He always succeeded. He could pick up on moods. It was like a sixth sense, he could just read people. When he saw this tiny boy at the front, of course there was the obvious nervousness and anxiousness, but there were other emotions buried deep within his being. An inner turmoil of sadness, hurt, confusion, doubt and hopelessness raged. They weren't nice emotions to see in a 7-year-old boy and Carlos wanted to know why he was feeling the way he was.

The teachers both watched as the tiny, raven haired boy opened and closed his mouth several times, much like a fish underwater. However much in contrast, he looked like a fish out of water. He continuously looked down at the paper held tightly in his hands, the thin sheet crumpling under his grip.

"It's alright; just say what you've written. You can do it, Logan." the boy's teacher encouraged. He looked up at her and back down to the paper a few times. Logan glanced over the meaningless words he had written a few weeks ago about Christmas. He had written about the reindeer and the Christmas trees and the carolling. Most of all he had written about Santa.

So, with a deep breath that shook off of the walls of the classroom, he started.

"I-I-I like Christmas. I-I like t-the snow and the fun times w-we can have. Rudolph and his f-friends are all c-cool and the best is of c-course Santa" he paused, the stutter conveying his nervousness perfectly. "I l-like Santa...I-I-I-"again Logan paused.

With teary eyes he looked at his paper. At his work. He looked at his lies. And with one huge burst of spontaneous confidence, he crumpled what he held into a small ball and continued on without words, from his heart.

"...B-but...b-but Santa doesn't like me..." he chanced a glance at the people watching. The teacher's now wore troubled countenances and the rest of the students had their mouths open in shock at what the boy was saying.

"It's not like I don't get anything for Christmas. No, each year I do get one present that I really _am _grateful for." He continued. "But...it's never what I want. Not what I truly want. No one could give me what I really want. No one apart from Santa and yet, every year, he doesn't" he took a deep breath as he had everyone's astounded attention.

"And I think that these past few years, I've realised why. You see, Santa says that he only gives presents to the good boys and girls, right? And I haven't done anything...really bad...that I know of anyway. But, I reckon Santa doesn't want to have much of a naughty list. He wants to give everyone at least something, so that he doesn't seem bad or feel guilty even though those kids could be naughty."

"So, Santa gives those naughty children a present, but something that they don't want as much. That's what I get. And I don't know exactly what I've done, but I know I've done something. Otherwise...otherwise my mommy and daddy wouldn't have left me three years ago" he ignored the gasps that surrounded him. He knew they were gasping at how awful he had been and not because they were shocked that he thought that.

"I thought we were a good family. Mommy would always bake with me and sing me songs and brush my hair and give me kisses. Daddy would play with me and read to me with funny voices and he'd help me with my homework and he would give me absolutely _giant _bear hugs. They loved each other and they loved me and I loved them. Christmas was always really good with them. I remember it was one Christmas where they told me I was gonna have a little brother or sister and I was so excited! I couldn't wait to be a big brother!" no one missed the glint that lit up his eyes as he spoke, hope and excitement making him bubbly, lighting up his whole being.

"But then...I must have done something" his eyebrows crinkled in a small frown. "Mommy and Daddy stopped doing a lot of things with me. They went out a lot and bought things for the baby. We didn't have many rooms upstairs, so the baby would have to share with me. But then there was so much stuff for the baby that I had to move and sleep downstairs. I didn't mind too much, I mean, I still had somewhere to sleep."

"They didn't have much time for me" he continued "they always pushed me away and when I tried to ask them things, they told me to go away. They never baked or played or read or kissed or hugged me anymore. Whatever I did must have been extremely bad, so bad they didn't..." he sniffed, a small sob breaking past his quivering lips.

"They didn't love me anymore."

The teacher's were tearing up themselves at seeing the young boy so broken-hearted and believing such false things. Miss. Williams started to speak:

"Logan, how about we go outside for a little bit? We can sit and talk if you want, I just don't think that-"

"No!" Logan cried, clearly upset. "I'm not finished, I have to finish!"

He continued on calmer and no one stopped him.

"Then three years ago, they said they were going out to get a Christmas tree. I was so happy because then I thought we could decorate it together and become a family again and be happy. I waited up for them. I stayed up the latest I have ever stayed up before. I think when I looked at the clock it said it was almost 3am, but I just thought that they were taking their time in choosing the best tree so that we could have a great Christmas together."

"But..." he bit his lip, worrying on it between his lips. "...I guess I must have fallen asleep because I woke up the next morning. They still weren't there so I thought I would be a big boy and make myself some breakfast. I couldn't reach the cereal though and I knew I wasn't allowed to cook anything on my own, so I went to school and just had lunch there. They kept not being there and I had to keep just having lunch."

"I thought they were coming back and that for some reason they were just taking extra long. They would be back soon with a tree and we would be able to decorate it. I kept on waiting and I kept on thinking. My teachers asked if everything was ok and I said yes, we were getting a tree soon. Then after 6 days, there was a knock on the door. I didn't open it at first because I'm not meant to, but then it could have been my Mommy and Daddy and they may have forgotten their key. So I answered it."

"There was a woman at the door, with two men who were in uniforms and there was a cop car outside. She asked if I was Logan and if she could speak to my Mommy and Daddy. I said they were out getting a tree. She asked me how long they had been getting the tree and I told her. I thought it was weird that she stopped smiling slightly, after all they would be back soon. She asked if she could come inside, she said she was nice and would help me and that the two men were her friends, so I said yes. They went upstairs and found that Mommy and Daddy's clothes had gone. So had a lot of the baby stuff. I didn't know because I had slept downstairs waiting for them and hadn't gone into any of the rooms upstairs. That's when she knelt down to me and told me."

The small boy wiped a shaking hand over his eyes. "Mommy and Daddy had left. They hadn't just gone to get a tree and I had to go into a care home. I cried for ages. Why would they leave me? Then I remembered that I had done something wrong. I must have done a lot of wrong things to make them leave. I thought I could get a new Mommy and Daddy and a family. But no one wants me. No one takes me in. Whatever I did was so bad that no one wants me. They probably all know what I did and think I'm awful and don't deserve a family. Santa knows that as well. That's why he doesn't like me. That's why he never gives me what I want. Because of what I've done. I wish I knew what I did though. Then I wouldn't do it again and maybe I could get what I want." he paused as a fear silver droplets trickled from his cocoa brown eyes. With a trembling voice he said one last thing.

"Maybe I could get a family again."

The boy broke down into inconsolable sobs, moving his whole body with the effort, and everyone in the room felt their heart's shredding at the sight and at what they had just heard.

And as the boy was picked up and hastily taken out by his teacher, the three 6th graders only had one thought on their minds. Glancing at each other, they knew what they had to do.

They had to make Logan's wish come true.

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**Well there was the prologue! Did you like it? Please review and let me know what you think!**

**~swagUPwindowsDOWN :) x**


	2. Chapter 1

**I meant to get this up the very next day after publishing. Oops. Oh well, here's chapter 1! **

**What a response for the prologue! **

**Thank you so much to everyone who has followed, favourited and reviewed. It means so much and knowing that you all like it is great! **

**And who's excited for Christmas? It's only a week away! I'm breaking up for Christmas holidays tomorrow, yay :D**

**I don't own Big Time Rush**

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"Mom..." Kendall started over dinner that night "...can Katie and I get a brother?" he briefly looked up at her before glancing quickly down in order to avoid eye contact with the now shocked woman. He heard her gasp and splutter into her drink slightly, but before she could reply, Katie had stated her opinion.

"Can we mom? I've always wanted a younger brother or sister! Can we please?" the ten-year-old bounced up and down in her chair giddily at the proposal. Kendall's mother however was already shaking her head.

"Kendall, Katie...no...you know that I can't have any children at the moment. It would be impossible. Besides, I don't think that my salary could cover three children anyway." She told them, very happy to be done with the subject right then and there. But she knew her son, and of course Kendall wouldn't drop it.

"But it wouldn't hurt too much to feed just one extra person. And you could adopt someone. I'm sure there are plenty of kids to adopt in the orphanage!" he tried again, stabbing a piece of chicken ferociously to emphasise his point.

"Kendall, I told you that we can't get another child, even if it is through adoption. It's too complicated."

"But he needs a home! He needs someone to love him!"

Mama Knight looked surprised at her son's outburst but then her eyes narrowed. "Kendall, what's this really all about? Who is this _'he' _you keep mentioning?"

Kendall looked down and sighed, knowing that because he slipped up he would have to tell her the real reason as to why he supposedly wanted a new brother.

"Well...all the second graders did a presentation in front of our class today. And there was this boy. He was really small and he didn't have the best clothes and he looked kinda scruffy and he started talking about Santa. But then he went on to say that Santa didn't like him because he did something which made his parents not care about him and then leave him. He thinks it's all his fault." He explained in a sad tone.

"His Christmas wish every year is to have a family again, but he never gets it because he thinks that whatever he did to make his parents go away means that Santa won't give it to him, which is obviously not true. But...I don't know...I just thought that maybe if you adopted him then he could have a family again...his Christmas wish would come true" Kendall shrugged and realised that maybe they wouldn't be able to grant Logan his Christmas wish after all.

"Ok..." Mama Knight's resolve was weakening after she heard the boy's story. To think he was only in second grade and he had already been through so much heart-break. She rubbed her temples as she could feel a headache coming on. "Couldn't Sylvia and Carlos take him in? Or Brooke considering she has such a large house, it would be easier."

"Carlos and James already asked. Carlos' house is already too full, you know with all of his sisters and all and James...well he goes between his dad's house and mom's house each week. So ours is the only option or nothing."

"I would really like to have a little brother" Katie adds in a small voice yet wanting to be heard. She wants her mother to know her opinion on the matter before she dismisses it entirely, which is looking like how it will go now. "I mean, Kendall and I could look after him when you couldn't. I just want to have someone I can take care of because I'm sick of being the youngest."

Mama Knights sighed again. Why were her family so persistent and stubborn? She knew they must have gotten the majority of it from her former husband as she felt as though she couldn't deny the subject any longer. She supposed it could work. She had steady income that was more than enough for the family of three and so wouldn't mean they were too stretched with an extra person. She could also see that Kendall and Katie could benefit and she did love caring for her children. But most importantly, she might be able to change the life of a 7-year-old.

However, she still didn't want to adopt straight away. What if they didn't have enough money? What if things went badly? She also wouldn't be able to tell if the child would even settle in properly and if he would like it. They would have to trial it. She couldn't even believe she was saying yes to the idea, but that was her children for you.

"Right, we can _try_ this out. And when I say _try_ I mean it. We don't know what it's going to be like and we can't take any risks with it all going terribly wrong. Therefore, we can foster him for a few weeks, say a trial period. But you have to remember it's not just about us. If he doesn't like it even if we do, he comes first. Understand?" two heavy nods and she knew they were serious.

After dinner was cleared, she went to search for a phone number and once found, she gave the orphanage a call.

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The orphanage was loud. Much louder than Logan would have liked it to be, but with the masses of children there it couldn't be helped. Besides, he had been there three years now and after a while you got used to the crying and the shouting and also the happier sounds of children playing.

None of them played with him though. He didn't know why. Maybe it was because of what he had done? Maybe they all knew and were so disgusted that they stayed right away. But they couldn't all know. It was probably because he was just a loser.

Logan liked to keep to his books. He could be transported to magical worlds and join in with the characters on their little adventures, as if he were there alongside them. His favourite books, no matter how girly they may be considered, were the series called _The Faraway Tree. _He loved the idea of all the magical lands that he could only dream of and being able to adventure. They had freedom which he didn't have. Most of all, they had family. Even though they didn't always get along, it was still family. More than he has.

They always end happily as well. He knew not all books had a happy ending, but the ones he read did. He just wanted his own happy ending.

He ignored the world around him as he huddled in his room, the one place at the orphanage that he could have just to himself. Everything else had to be shared out and somehow he usually didn't come out on top of that bargain. Dinner had been uneventful. All the boys and girls acted like vultures coming down on a dead carcass in the heat of summer. Logan wasn't amused and as soon as he had finished he was upstairs, away from it all.

But just as he was about to go to bed, Liz, the head of the orphanage knocked lightly on his door and bounded in. She smiled at him and apologised for coming in so late.

"Just to let you know, Logan, we're having a 'Future Families' day tomorrow, so there'll be a lot of perspective people looking about. You never know, it might be your lucky day" she sighed when she saw his expression.

"Don't give up hope, Logan. You never know what might happen."

And he sure wouldn't have predicted what happened that very next day.

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**Sorry if it was a bit rushed at the end, I just wanted to get something posted for you guys before I went to bed. Tell me what you think and please review! :)**

**~swagUPwindowsDOWN :) x**


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